• Worst:

    • The Last House on the Left –  What do I say? This movie is so terrible. First of all, since my favorite movie is the original, when I heard they were remaking it, I was furious, let alone that Wes Craven was in on it, too! Got mad love for Craven, but this movie is genuinely awful. What made the original so unique was completely absent in this remake, including the fact that Mari dies, not lives. I mean, come on! Also, I do not think the killers were scary in this movie, it totally seemed forced. The character of Junior in this movie, (called Justin?!), and Weasel (called Francis? Really?) were so far removed from the original concept. “Justin” was no longer sympathetic, and “Francis” possessed none of the perverted, calm sadism that Fred Lincoln exemplified in the original. I’m surprised they kept the name Krug! The girl who played Sadie, besides looking just like a girl I know, was so fucking annoying, I wanted them to kill her way sooner. Sadie is supposed to be some twisted version of a feminist totally in control of her own shit, but in the remake, she was a whining bitch who was so skinny, I could’ve kicked her ass. Sorry, but this movie sucks and is absolutely a sham.
    • Friday the 13th – Someone needs to tell people to stop remaking movies. Seriously. This, next to LHOTL, is the worst remake I have ever seen. It is so dumb, and cheesy, and not in the way the original F13th‘s are dumb and cheesy. There is something totally different about the two. Jason is not scary in this at all, in fact, he looks really ignorant. Dumb new storyline too, Jason would never keep someone hostage. Why do they keep making these horrible films? Because they are trying to cash in on the success of the name of the franchise and they do not care that it is an abomination.
    • I Spit On Your Grave – By now, you all know I have no problem with sick and perverted films, but this one made me want to take a shower. What a dumb idea to remake the original.  It’s like they took all the most twisted things one could do to somebody else, and put them in this movie, right along with awful and degrading language. Sometimes, it’s a little too much. Plus, the sheriff? Gosh. This is one nasty flick. I feel like it missed the vengeance idea and skipped straight to torture-porn. It just made me feel strange and kind of queasy, honestly.
    • The Amityville Horror – To be honest, this one wasn’t that bad. But I just do not think Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George fit the roles at all. It just seems like after a while, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
    • Psycho – Didn’t need remaking. Just like most films.
    • The Fog – This one was just terrible. Completely pointless, not scary, and wasted my time. Another teeny-bopper version of a relatively kick ass concept that did nothing to pay homage to the original. It wasn’t even rated R for God’s sake. Avoid this disaster.
    • The Hitcher – Another classic film remade in the vein of teeny-bopperisms. Enough already. Just cuz you get a couple of reasonably good-looking, relatively famous actors to be in your movie, does not mean it will not suck. Because it does. Hard-core suckage. Another waste of time.
    • Children of the Corn (Made-for-TV) – Ah, yes, another shitty remake. No wonder it was only on television. I did not have high hopes for this, but I wanted to see how bad they messed it up, and boy, did they. First of all, that female lead character was one of the most annoying, nagging, passive-aggressive characters I have ever seen on film. I was not sad that she died; actually glad. The lead characters were not sympathetic, the back story was not really established as it pertains to Gatlin, “Isaac” was like five years old, instead of John Franklin’s portrayal of an older looking child. It seemed like they just grabbed some random kid and put him in a hat and told him to go stand in the corn. Plus, the sex scene? Gross. Totally unnecessary and ruins the story. I am not a prude, but sometimes, sex is unnecessary in movies, and this is one of them.

    What do you guys think?


    About Aloha Mister Hand

    28, horror-loving chick, lover of animals, movies, and her boyfriend.

    29 responses »

    1. rwhyan says:

      This sure did bring out the inner demon in you! Haha I totally understand your frustration here because it’s one of the worst feelings to see some of you favorite films being remade. All of your movies you listed are definitely spot on. I’m sure you have heard by now of the Remake of The Evil Dead that is being written by Diablo Cody… the same person who wrote Jennifers Body… which I found to be absolutely pointless. It’s probably going to be a giant train wreck, but like all train wrecks… I’ll have to watch it. 😦
      Great post!

      • *lmao* Yeah, it doesn’t take much to bring out my inner demon, as you call it! I like that term, thanks! Appreciate the comment! I had heard rumors about the Evil Dead remake, which is a dumb idea – you’re right, but I didn’t know it was gonna be Diablo Cody. I haven’t seen Jennifer’s Body, I wasn’t really interested. But that’s gonna be weird. Is Sam Raimi involved at all??

        • rwhyan says:

          Yea he and Bruce Campbell himself are producing which is the only silver lining if you ask me. I’m hoping they don’t allow anyone to screw it up too much!

    2. Ahh, okay, well at least that’s one good part. If I were a director of an original film, I’m not sure how I’d feel about someone remaking it, but if they are on board with it, maybe it won’t suck!!

      • rwhyan says:

        Totally. A lot of directors absolutely hate when their material gets remade but since most of them sell the rights to the studio they have no choice whatsoever. It sucks but oh well. And at least like you showed in your other post there are some really good remakes and when a good one actually does come out it makes it that much better since there is so much pure crap out there!

        • Yeah, I never understood why they would sell their rights to their movies? Especially if it was their original story like John Carpenter and Halloween? There are definitely some good remakes out there and a few I have not included in my other posts because I both like them and dislike them at the same time. *lol* Does that make sense? Should I write about them, too?

        • rwhyan says:

          I think the reason why they sell them is because at the time they don’t realize how big the film is actually going to be and when a studio offers you millions of dollars for your rights it’s pretty hard to turn down. When Raimi shot Evil Dead 2, they couldn’t get the rights to the first film to use for recap footage, so thats why they reshot everything from the first one with a different actress. Its pretty ridiculous. You should definitely write about those and explain why!

    3. Hmm, that’s strange, I do remember something being different about ED2, and now I know! *lol* That is absolutely insane, having to reshoot things. Seems they’d give it a few minutes to think about before selling their rights! I guess money has the power to do strange things. Haha, okay, I will do that, thanks! 🙂

    4. They did a remake of Psycho? What a disgrace! Glad I missed that one. The Fog remake has to be the worst remake ever made – unwatchable garbage. I’d rather watch the Scy-Fy Channel film: Crocosaurus vs. Mega-Shark vs. Sharktopus.

      • *lol* The Psycho remake stars Anne Heche. Hahaha, yeah, The Fog remake totally sucked! I agree, some of the Sy-Fy movies are better than that so-called Hollywood shit. Thanks for replying! 🙂

    5. jcannon23 says:

      I agree with all of these. I remember seeing the Psycho remake in seventh grade and absolutely hating it. I generally try to stay away from the recent horror remakes, as I know that I’ll usually end up disappointed. For my money, the worst of the recent remakes was A Nightmare on Elm Street. Maybe it’s because the original is my favorite horror movie of all time, but I think it just fell flat on its face with cookie cutter teens and a convoluted script.

      If you want to check out a pretty decent remake, you should watch Fright Night. As a huge fan of the original, I was very impressed with the remake.

      • Yeah, the Psycho remake sucked! It’s so disheartening to see how many remakes and shitty movies are on the market these days. I actually tried to watch the original Fright Night, and I just could not get into it, I don’t know why! Thanks for the comment!

    6. I agree with all of them but I Spit on your Grave, I thought that was far better than the original – Not a huge fan of either, but I felt the remake was superior.

      Great Site 🙂

    7. wintri says:

      I think this is another terrific post. I agree with you assessments on just about all of them. I’m glad you are a fan of the original ‘Last House on the Left’. I really felt that was a groundbreaking film when it came out, especially the scene in the wooods where they attack and kill the female victims. I think those people that say the film is ‘dated’ don’t realize that for its time period it really pushed the envelope and showed and did things that other horror films that came out at the same time didn’t even consider and for that reason it deserves its classic status.
      BTW on Facebook I friended David Hess who played Krug on the original on October 5th of last year and then on October 8th he died from a sudden heart attack, which creeped me out a little. Also, if you get the Collector’s Edition of LHOTL they interview Jeramie Rain who played Sadie in the original and she is looking fantastic especially for a woman who is now in her 60’s.

      • Thank you so much, I absolutely agree! It is such a pivotal, hard-hitting film, I don’t know how anyone does not like it, or at least respect it. Yeah, I know David died, I was very sad. I was also friends with him on Facebook. That is weird that you friended him just days before, though, definitely odd. The Collector’s Edition is awesome, although there are never enough special features for me! *lol* Have you read the book on the movie by David Szulkin? It’s excellent. 🙂 Thanks for your comment, by the way.

        • wintri says:

          Yes, I own that book. It is very informative and interesting. I also wanted to comment that I think Lucy Grantham makes for a terrific victim. She seemed like a real person and when she gets killed you feel like you have witnessed an actual kiling. In too many horror movies the victims are played like silly caricatures, or are just plain annoying and you sometimes look forward to them getting killed. Here both of the female victims seemed like actual people with very distinct personalities, which is another reason why this film stands out from the other horror movies.

        • That’s great that you have that book! I love your analysis, and totally agree. The characters are so real, and sympathetic, and that is totally how teenagers act; they think nothing will happen to them, especially since they were the “Love Generation”. Terribly sad, but fantastic film. Definitely my favorite movie! 🙂

    8. adamcard says:

      I agree with your statements on most of thoes remakes, “I spit on your grave” however was very appealing to me. I get what you mean about the torture porn, but thats one of the aspects i enjoyed. I enjoy almost all films depicting killer women. Another bad remake is Mothers Day, that shit was way lame.

      • Yeah, I like the torture porn aspect too, and I respect the original, but the remake just tried too hard to be bigger and badder than its predecessor, and to me, just made it ridiculous. The female lead in the original was so much more sympathetic than the girl in the new one, and I felt none of the emotions from the remake, except disgust, that I felt in the first one. But I love your opinion! I like discussing movies with others:)

    9. Mike Hill says:

      Reblogged this on Cinema Slasher and commented:
      Great article from alohamisterhand! Check it!

    Speak :)

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