The End of an Era – Beginning of Another

You know, folks, I’ve had it up to here ^ and I’m not even that tall.

Thanks to you true friends out there who care.

Those who don’t, let me know now so I know not to bother anymore.

Since everyone’s friends with everyone on Facebook now except me, I guess this shall have to suffice. This is a continuation of my last post, and you know, I just cannot get SEEN anywhere I go, not online, and especially not in person. Am I that much of a hideous fucking chode? I like to think not. I just think some people are missing out, because I can be a great friend and person to be around, but people just seem content on burning their bridges with me, and I don’t get it. I’m really sick of trying to beat myself senseless trying to impress people on the internet and my real life. How hard is it to just tell someone if you don’t want to talk to them? Why be a big pussy ass bitch and ignore them one minute and act nice the next? This sounds psychotic to me.

From now on, I’m going to do me, or the best me I can be. I love acknowledgment and validation, but I’ve just accepted that the world blows, and it’s not meant to be for me. So, like I said last night, if you choose to stick around, that’s awesome and you are loved and needed. If you don’t like what I say, you know…..sorry boutcha. I will still bitch and moan and complain or whatever people call being opinionated and honest.

Good day! And love to all who deserve it! :)

And my new follower — thank you, man!

So, here’s the deal. Straight up.

Hey, so here’s the deal. The honest truth, shitty as it may be or sound.

I’m fucking jealous, okay? It makes me sick to know that other people are more loved or popular than me when I’ve worked just as hard as they have. I don’t begrudge them their success, I just don’t know why I am never good enough for anyone or anything. I’m sorry to complain, but you know, when you’re down this fucking long and shit just keeps piling up, it’s overwhelming, and I am fucking bawling my eyes out right now. If this loses me viewers, the five or so that I even still have, then so be it. I’ve tried my best to come back, but it just seems to not be happening to mine or anyone else’s satisfaction. I’ve put myself out there, on here, on Facebook, and I’m trying to accept that this just is not in the cards for me. I’m not meant to do great things, period. I’ll admit it – I want attention! Everyone’s, all the time, because I’ve been fucked over so much I have no goddamn self-esteem. Any little bone someone tosses my way, I’ll take it. And when they take that bone away, I’m even worse than before. So, here it is – either be my friend or don’t. I deal with this shit everyday of my goddamn life, and I’ve tried to perky and sunshine and little miss perfect, but that isn’t me. If that’s what you’re expecting, don’t bother. I’m real, I’m me, and if you don’t like it, take it or leave it! My mind is a constant fucking battlefield, and I have to struggle with these horrible feelings of despair everyday. Please, don’t give me that shit about ‘everyone has bad days’. This isn’t a bad day, this is a bad six or seven fucking years. I’ve tried. Trying gets you nowhere obviously. This is brutally raw and honest. I’ll admit, I’m goddamn jealous. Why does everyone else catch all the breaks? In life, in relationships, online, on blogs?! When will I ever fucking matter enough? I mean, I don’t get it, I know I am fucking hideous and my writing is stupid and I always give away the endings, and I’m not some perfect little cunt, but cut me some fucking slack. I want to be here, and I want to be able to write, and I want to be able to get a million views and friends and comments, and likes. Sorry, but this is what technology has done to people like me. It’s how we fucking communicate, so it’s how we fucking know we’re important, sorry, but that’s the truth. Straight up. I’m sick of people saying, oh your day will come, fuck that! You got your shit now, I fucking want mine now. You know? I can’t help it. I figured since I’m an honest person, I might as well put this to good use, and spill my guts now, while they’re raw and fucking hanging outside my body, with salt constantly being rubbed into them. Sorry guys, if I’ve been a real cunt lately, but I’m here too. Hopefully you all will stick around, the few of you who are left, because I really do love you guys, and to be honest, as I always am, I want to come back. But I have no motivation, or drive, or self-esteem, and I don’t know how to fucking pull myself out of this. I constantly want to just pull my fucking hair out because NO ONE GETS IT! I’m sick of having to yell to get attention! If I were worthy, I’d already have the attention, right? So, I apologize for sounding psychotic, but I am not, just depressed and on some real shit right now, so I felt like sharing. Hope everyone’s having a great day. Mine, however, has sucked balls. I’ve apologized a lot in this long fucking run-on sentence and ridiculously long paragraph, but I’ll do it again – I’m sorry, sorry for not being here more, for not living up to your expectations, and I’m sorry for being me.

I just want to reiterate…..

…..that I love you guys! <3

Mom’s having surgery in the morning, so I will be at the hospital all day. I will try to make a new post from there.

-xoxoxox-

Hey folks!

Hey there loves!

Just wanted to say hey, and sorry I haven’t really been on. Family crap, school crap, personal crap keeps getting in the way of me doing anything I want to do or need to know, even anything that brings me any joy. I’ve tried my hand at creating a fan page on Facebook for horror movies. Still getting it going, and struggling all the way. In case you want to check out my meager beginning effort and give me some love, here’s the address!

http://www.facebook.com/lastpageontheleft

Write again soon folks, I promise! <3

When It Rains, It Pours!

Hey folks!

So, I was just dealt another crushing blow, by a friend, with whom I had plans for the holidays. Apparently, he doesn’t want to speak to me anymore for some reason (I wasn’t given one), and promptly was deleted and ignored. At midnight. Hmm. I’ve yet to figure this one out. It’s like I cannot catch a break! Who just up and stops talking to someone? Obviously, it happens to me a lot. And no, I haven’t done anything wrong to any of these people to deserve this treatment. As you can imagine, I’ll be glad when this shit hole of a year is over with. I know it’s nothing but a number, but maybe 13 will be lucky for me, instead of unlucky since I’m such a horror fan. Wishful thinking!

Anyway, I finally went to the doctor about my headaches and depression, and was given a new medication to try. It actually helps with migraines and depression both, so let’s hope this starts to make some improvement in my life and in my way of thinking and feeling. It just sucks that my New Years plans got so fucked up, I have never done anything for New Years – never even had a midnight kiss! 25 years, and nothing. Ugh. I hope you all are doing better than me, and that I can be doing as well as you all very soon! I hope I can count on your support! <3

Sick to Death of Rude People.

Anyone out there also sick of rude people? Especially rude friends? I’m starting to not even believe in that word anymore! People are so mean! For what purpose?! I still do not get it. I previously wrote about people ignoring my messages when I can obviously see that they read it, and people deleting me for no reason. Now my issue is shitty friends during the holidays, of all times to be cruel!? You know something? If you have a problem with me, come right the fuck out and say it! I have never done shit to anyone to warrant them treating me like this. And don’t give me the whole, “hang with different people” thing. I do, and I try! They are all the same! Different “social classes”, different ages, different opinions, etc. They all end up treating me like garbage under their shoes sooner or later. Usually after I’ve grown accustomed to their “nice” ways and look forward to talking to them. So, what am I do to? I’ve explained to them, simply, that it hurts me how they treat me. They jump down MY throat! Really? I do not deserve this bullshit, and I’m so over it. Someone explain it to me because I am at a fucking loss. I’ve tried ignoring them too, like they do me, that does nothing either. I’ve tried accepting it, and well, you guys know me at least a little by now, and you know THAT does not work. With the exception of changing my identity and moving away (I’m too stubborn and broke for that), any other ideas?! I’m ready to pull my hair out (or someone else’s!)

Kinda-Sorta Photography

…………from a few years ago!

maters

jesus

cross

clouds

yuppie scum

kisa

feet

eeeek

Whatcha think? :)

Happy Holidays!

Dear friends,

I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, or whatever you choose to celebrate (or not!) I want you all to know how very important you are to me, and your support for me and my blog, and all that crap I’ve been going through lately has been immense, unexpected, and lovingly appreciated. I hope you all enjoy your season, and that you always tell those you love how you feel. You may not get another chance! I will be posting again very soon, this is just a little seasonal wish for my friends and supporters! Much love! :)

Happy Holidays!

Scariest Movie Moments – Part II


This second part of my favorite scary movie moments series has sure taken a long time. As you know from previous posts, I’ve been very down lately. I’ve been trying to pick myself up though, and write when I can. Just because it isn’t published on here yet doesn’t mean I’m not writing anytime I get a dose of hitch in my giddy-up. I am. I might slowly but surely be coming back! As always, let me hear you! None of this means anything without you folks! This edition features a demon attached to a child, a psycho stalker with a knack for the telephone, a serial killer, and a vengeful British ghost. Hope you like the GIFS, but be gentle – it was my first time! ;)

Insidious (2011)

We all know that some people were bigger fans of Insidious than others. And while there were flaws in the film, there were quite a few startling, and unique scenes. Some were just plain brilliant, and the entire movie is visually innovative and appealing. It’s strange for me to say, knowing that this film was made by the people who created Saw (not scary – gory – but not scary), and Paranormal Activity (lame beyond lame, even refund-worthy). Not to mention, Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne are two incredibly sexy human specimens. Here are my favorites moments!

1. Gettin’ Down to Tiny Tim

dancing boy

Not only is it incredibly horrifying to have a turn-of-the-century dead ghost child dancing terribly in your house, he’s also groovin’ to Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through the Tulips”, which is creepy in itself. Not that I’m not now addicted to that song, and classify it as one of my many guilty pleasures, but mixing the two together, especially in broad daylight, creates one scene none of us are likely to forget.

2. Creepy Demon in the Room

demon in room

Anytime there is some kind of demonic creature, or any creature for that matter lurking in the shadows, especially one with elongated arms, pointy fingers, and what looks to be perhaps cloven hooves, it creeps me out. Obviously, it’s because it’s unexpected – it’s the jump factor – but you gotta admit, that creep standing there is enough to make you check your own room before jumping into bed!

3. Creepy Demon in the Room Again

demon insidious

Okay, so this scene is up for much debate, as some found it totally scary, and others simply saw a bad Darth Maul rip-off, but as before, the jump factor is present. While talking to his mother (a very nicely aging Barbara Hershey) and his wife about the weird goings-on, this cosmetically-pleasing, red-faced punk appears behind Josh, opening its mouth and revealing his, well, sort-of-razor-sharp teeth. As usual, the creature is only on-screen momentarily, and quickly disappears as Josh’s mother shrieks in horror and jumps up from her chair.

The Woman in Black (2012)

the-woman-in-black-15

I did have serious misgivings going into this film, because most horror flicks these days, well, bite the big one. But I was pleasantly surprised! It’s nice to see Daniel Radcliffe in something else (HP is not my cup of tea, if you’ll forgive the British reference), but he is actually pretty sexy in this movie. Oh, he can act, too! Of course. :) As is usually the case, once we find out the motive behind the ghost’s vengeful haunting, it’s not so scary. But the build-up is the most important aspect, and this movie has it…..in spades!

1. The Marsh….Itself!

house and marsh

Does this really need any explaining? The setting of the movie itself is enough to scare someone, without even adding the ghost element to the mix. Just look at it! If you have to go through that, and that, and that, to get to that, it’s a bad idea. Just say no.

2. Bad Rocking Chair

bad rocking chair

This house is full of secrets, and of course, the usual creaky floors, awkward silences, and startling BANGS just as you put some delicious popcorn in your mouth (trust me, I know). But rocking chairs that move by themselves (or not….) have always given me the willies. There’s something about them, but I’ve never been able to put my finger on it. Not to mention, this chair rocks backwards unexpectedly far, which sort of looks like fun! Not so fun when we get a glimpse of the horrid witchy bitch causing the ruckus, and Harry Potter is none the wiser.

3. Dead Boy Returns

house sequence

More creepy sequences in the house of doom, Harry Potter watches as the little dead boy rises from his mucky grave in the marsh, and books it to the front door. Well, he doesn’t book it, ghosts always walk, yet somehow get to where they’re going incredibly fast. So does Jason Voorhees. And Michael Myers. But I digress. The little dog who has been sent to keep our hero company begins barking at the door, as the knob begins to rattle. Dogs are smarter than people, how many times must I say this?! Upon opening the door, no one is there, but in the distance there appears several more young dead children, looking horribly soaked from the rain. Or just from being dead. The little boy pulls a jump scene, covered in mud, with his mouth open, a few short scenes later. So does the Woman in Black, several times. Why do scary characters always have to have their mouths open? I’m unclear on this.

When a Stranger Calls (1979)

This often-quoted, frequently criticized gem from 1979 is part cheesy detective story, part psychologically horrifying thriller. The latter is the reason for its mention on my list. The opening sequence is a classic, even if most of us could totally do without the rest of the movie! The “Babysitter and the Man Upstairs” urban legend comes to life!

1.Opening Sequence

the call

Ahh, the classic opening sequence, which still stands the test of time today, is absolutely terrifying. First of all, the phone ringing constantly is just plain annoying. Not helping matters is when the caller is taunting, tormenting, harassing, and scaring the receiver half to death, after having killed the two children upstairs sleeping in the babysitter’s care. Carol Kane delivers an Earth-shattering performance, and really portrays fear well. The calls are coming from upstairs (somehow, I’ve yet to figure this out), and Jill is saved only because the operator was able to trace the call, and warn her to leave the house, just as killer Curt Duncan emerges from the shadows. Phones are creepy, don’t you agree?!

2. Psycho Stalks Another

stranger calls tracy

When the killer escapes his confinement in an insane asylum, he approaches a woman at a bar. I mention this scene because, as a woman, well, even just as a human, I know the apprehension and fear of being around someone who is not all ‘there’ in the head’. We have gut instincts for a reason, and this woman, Tracy, followed hers by pacifying the creep when he follows her home, lets himself into her house, and sits down on her couch for a spell. She convinces him to come back another time, which grants her a temporary reprieve from his wily charms. That was not a compliment. Later, he comes back to kill her, but is finally stopped by the detective who has been hunting him since his escape. Whew, that was a close one!

Zodiac (2007)

2760

A David Fincher masterpiece, Zodiac is one of my favorite movies. It’s one of those few near-perfections in life, and the psychological thrills have definitely been burned into my mind. Chasing a killer that to this day has never been apprehended is scary to begin with, but the way it consumes cartoonist Robert Graysmith’s life is inspiring, mind-numbing, and depressing all at the same time.

1. Lake Berryessa Terror

lake berryessa

I have referenced this scene before in other posts, but when Cecelia Shepard and Bryan Hartnell are tormented and stabbed at the lake, it goes through me like few other things have. Cecelia’s screams are enough to give anyone the chills, as she watches her date being stabbed in the back repeatedly, dreading her own turn at the hands of the Zodiac Killer. Utterly horrifying, because it isn’t demons, or ghosts, or any other supernatural being, it’s a human doing this to another human, on purpose, and enjoying it.

2. Arthur Leigh Allen’s Interview

arthur gif

After incriminating tips from a former friend lead Inspectors Toschi, Armstrong, and Sgt. Mulanax from San Francisco and Vallejo to pay Arthur Leigh Allen a visit, we get a wonderfully crafted and chilling scene, which, if one did not know any better, would absolutely convince us that he was the Zodiac. Though DNA “cleared” him decades after the murders and his own death, I myself am still convinced he was involved somehow. Too many coincidences. Anyway, John Carroll Lynch portrays pedophile creepster Allen with quiet but menacing calmness, even proclaiming, in a deeper voice, “I’m not the Zodiac, and if I was, I certainly wouldn’t tell you.” Shudder.

3. A Visit to Bob Vaughn

bob vaughn gif

After years of indirectly being around the Zodiac investigation at the San Francisco Chronicle where he worked as a cartoonist, Robert Graysmith plays detective, and decides to put an end to the mystery once and for all. He never officially succeeds, as the case remains open, but in one such instance, he happens upon some movie posters that contain handwriting strikingly similar to the Zodiac’s. It turns out the man he goes to speak with about the suspected killer, Rick Marshall, Bob Vaughn, drew the posters himself. This causes Graysmith to automatically suspect him in the crimes, and when he ventures to the basement to find out when his theater played The Most Dangerous Game, Graysmith hears footsteps and creaking from upstairs. He questions several times if anyone else is in the house, and Vaughn (Charles Fleischer) is quietly creepy throughout, adding to our own suspense and tension. We begin to question him ourselves! This scene always freaks me out – it is so wonderfully filmed. It also gives us a different perspective on the murders. Perfectly brilliant and nerve-wracking.

Thank you for reading!

Writer’s Block.

Hey all, I haven’t written, really WRITTEN, anything in months. Dealing with everything I have been, I can’t seem to find the motivation, or even WHAT to write about. What do you do when you have writer’s block? Ugh. I want to write, I just can’t seem to find inspiration in anything, or even within myself. I hate this shell of a person I have become. At some point, there’s really nothing to look forward to because there’s no evidence to the contrary or even a glimmer of hope of things looking up. Some of you supported my last post, and for that I thank you. I just feel like I’m writing pointless blurbs to let people know I’m still breathing, but I’m not really contributing anything. I’ve even considered deleting this altogether. Something’s gotta give. Writer’s block cure suggestions, anyone?!